"Hey guys" Bush said eagerly "Do I have time to start another war? Huh? Huh?"
All heads turned to the ceiling.
"Ok, ok, I get it ... how about some sanctions then ... Huh? Huh? ... our guy in Iraq ... what's his name? ah yes Maliki ... he just got no respect. We made him Prime Minister and the nerve of that guy telling us to set a date for withdrawal .... when the oils runs out, buddy ... when the oil runs out... what an idiot ... yeh ... I want to bar all their exports ... except oil of course ... that will show him who's the boss"
"You should check with Obama before you do anything. Mr. President"
"What about Burma ... Huh? ... Huh? Everybody hates that country with those suppressive generals in charge. Locking up what's her name ...Sue Me ... uh ... Suu Kyi for so many years and killing those monks ... We can bar the export of their gemstones and whatever other crap they have over there."
"You should check with Obama before you do anything. Mr. President"
"Ok .. ok .. get him on the line ... he owes me a big one ... he knows damn well that the only reason he got elected was because of me ... yeh ... I know what all of you all are thinking ... but you're wrong ... God told me to create all this mess so that Obama will be elected ... it was God's plan all along and I followed it perfectly ... so there!"
"Obama on the line, sir"
"Hi Barry ... I need to check with you on this .... " and Bush explains his sanction plans.
"So Barry ..." he whispers "I'll look like a lame duck if I don't do something ... you owe me Barry ... please Barry ... please .... ok then, at least say your name ... why? ... no reason at all ... just say your name ...PLEASE JUST SAY YOUR NAME WILL YOU! ... thanks Barry ... bye bye"
"What did he say, sir?" a general asked.
With a smile, Bush replied "Bar Iraq or Burma"
(Barack Obama)
-----------------------
Dedicated to Pres Obama. A historic win must be followed by a historic change to the massive damage that has been done -- wars, economy, environment for starters.
(thanks Shaan for helping me on the rhyming of Barack to Iraq)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
You Can't Beat This^^
Convicted vandal, Michael Fay stood before the court. "12 strokes of the cane" uttered the Singapore judge. This is not the kid stuff caning you get from your dad. This official punishment uses a half inch rattan rod, dipped in antiseptic and administered by one tough dude.
The time had come. Michael was strapped and bent over a wooden frame with his bare buttocks exposed. Adjacent parts of his body were padded to prevent accidental injury and a doctor was present. But this is small consolation.
Whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack
.... but the screams from the agony were much louder. Blood flowed down his legs from his torn skin and raw muscles.
Some of the headlines in the papers the next day ...
Hit Dozen; Pain Butt; Hit Raws.
(It doesn't rain but it pours)
-----------------------------------------------
Dedicated to all the mental and physical sufferers of torture -- Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, Nazi Concentration Camps, Spanish Inquisition and countless others throughout history. Can a 1st world country like Singapore still keep 3rd world punishment? When will the politicians see the difficulty?
What makes an ordinary Joe, when put in a position of power, becomes pure evil?
Based on scientific studies, the "enemy" is dehumanized and holds wrong and dangerous ideologies and values. Therefore the abuse is rationalized, self-justified and reinforced by the herd mentality of his fellow torturers. Besides, "I was only following orders".
The time had come. Michael was strapped and bent over a wooden frame with his bare buttocks exposed. Adjacent parts of his body were padded to prevent accidental injury and a doctor was present. But this is small consolation.
Whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack
.... but the screams from the agony were much louder. Blood flowed down his legs from his torn skin and raw muscles.
Some of the headlines in the papers the next day ...
Hit Dozen; Pain Butt; Hit Raws.
(It doesn't rain but it pours)
-----------------------------------------------
Dedicated to all the mental and physical sufferers of torture -- Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, Nazi Concentration Camps, Spanish Inquisition and countless others throughout history. Can a 1st world country like Singapore still keep 3rd world punishment? When will the politicians see the difficulty?
What makes an ordinary Joe, when put in a position of power, becomes pure evil?
Based on scientific studies, the "enemy" is dehumanized and holds wrong and dangerous ideologies and values. Therefore the abuse is rationalized, self-justified and reinforced by the herd mentality of his fellow torturers. Besides, "I was only following orders".
Friday, September 19, 2008
Alternative Mad is Son^^^^
"By pricking these needles into your ear lobes, face, limbs and body, the bad Qi (pronounced Chee) energy will flow out" the acupuncturist explained
"Yes, yes, yes ... I'm feeling better already" said Sonny
"I can feel your damaged heart getting stronger" he continued with his hands just above Sonny's chest "the negative Qi is coming out through your chest, through my fingers and out forever."
"Yes I feel the tingle ... it's wonderful"
He then placed a lit prayer candle on Sonny's chest, sprinkled holy water, spread a little sacred soil and tied a string around his chest. He then blew gently.
"Now the incoming Qi has been altered, strengthened and made good by the 4 elements -- fire, water, earth and wind -- and I have tied the string to keep the 4 altered Qi in your chest and heart. Keep the string tied tightly and come back next week. Do you feel the power?"
"Yes I do ... and the warmth ... and the energy ... I feel great"
Sonny happily paid the $500 as he walked out of the crowded clinic. It was a fantastic deal! A risky bypass operation would have cost him over ten grand, lots of pain and laid up for weeks. Now there was a spring to his walk because of the altered good four Qi energy flowing through his heart.
He entered his condo lobby and, casting a smile at the elevator, he headed for the stairs to scamper up the few flights to his apartment. He never made it. A massive fatal heart attack stopped him just short.
Not Four Alter Qi in Tie? Nah.
(Not for all the tea in China)
-----------------
Dedicated to P. T. Barnum. He must be laughing from his grave knowing that in spite of advances in science, a good understanding of the Placebo effect and widespread education, suckers are still being born -- not every minute -- but every second. "Alternative" medicine (title of feghoot) is a misnomer -- it is either "evidence based" or "non-evidence based". Put my health in the hands of quacks? Not for all the tea in China.
"Yes, yes, yes ... I'm feeling better already" said Sonny
"I can feel your damaged heart getting stronger" he continued with his hands just above Sonny's chest "the negative Qi is coming out through your chest, through my fingers and out forever."
"Yes I feel the tingle ... it's wonderful"
He then placed a lit prayer candle on Sonny's chest, sprinkled holy water, spread a little sacred soil and tied a string around his chest. He then blew gently.
"Now the incoming Qi has been altered, strengthened and made good by the 4 elements -- fire, water, earth and wind -- and I have tied the string to keep the 4 altered Qi in your chest and heart. Keep the string tied tightly and come back next week. Do you feel the power?"
"Yes I do ... and the warmth ... and the energy ... I feel great"
Sonny happily paid the $500 as he walked out of the crowded clinic. It was a fantastic deal! A risky bypass operation would have cost him over ten grand, lots of pain and laid up for weeks. Now there was a spring to his walk because of the altered good four Qi energy flowing through his heart.
He entered his condo lobby and, casting a smile at the elevator, he headed for the stairs to scamper up the few flights to his apartment. He never made it. A massive fatal heart attack stopped him just short.
Not Four Alter Qi in Tie? Nah.
(Not for all the tea in China)
-----------------
Dedicated to P. T. Barnum. He must be laughing from his grave knowing that in spite of advances in science, a good understanding of the Placebo effect and widespread education, suckers are still being born -- not every minute -- but every second. "Alternative" medicine (title of feghoot) is a misnomer -- it is either "evidence based" or "non-evidence based". Put my health in the hands of quacks? Not for all the tea in China.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Stern -- Boned Turds^^^^
Far out at sea, everything was calm. The sun was setting and the sea birds were gracefully circling and diving for fish. A lone speedboat was heading towards an obscure beach. But something fishy was going on and it was definitely not the fish. On board were a gang of drug smugglers with their illicit hoard of cocaine and crack.
Suddenly 3 speedboats from the Coast Guard were spotted racing towards them. Panic ensued but the professional smugglers managed to throw the drugs overboard just in time. Without evidence, no arrests could be made, but the smugglers also lost millions by dumping their cargo.
The only "winners" seem to be the sea birds. They were now flying erratically and seem to prefer drinking sea water to catching fish!
No doubt about it. No Tern was Left Un-stoned.
(No Stone was Left Unturned)
----------------------
Dedicated to the wonders of world pay ... uh ... word play. For without Spoonerisms and Puns there could not be a Feghoot. Thank you Denis Norden and Frank Muir from the BBC Radio Show "My Word" for opening my ears to a whole new dimension of humor. If anyone knows how to contact these people or their family (FM is dead), let me know. I want to send them a note.
I was dormant for 40 years but am now catching up on tossed lime.
I have heard the punch line before although I am not sure where, but I am certain the story is original and so is the Spoonerist title.
(Title : Tern -- Stoned Birds)
Suddenly 3 speedboats from the Coast Guard were spotted racing towards them. Panic ensued but the professional smugglers managed to throw the drugs overboard just in time. Without evidence, no arrests could be made, but the smugglers also lost millions by dumping their cargo.
The only "winners" seem to be the sea birds. They were now flying erratically and seem to prefer drinking sea water to catching fish!
No doubt about it. No Tern was Left Un-stoned.
(No Stone was Left Unturned)
----------------------
Dedicated to the wonders of world pay ... uh ... word play. For without Spoonerisms and Puns there could not be a Feghoot. Thank you Denis Norden and Frank Muir from the BBC Radio Show "My Word" for opening my ears to a whole new dimension of humor. If anyone knows how to contact these people or their family (FM is dead), let me know. I want to send them a note.
I was dormant for 40 years but am now catching up on tossed lime.
I have heard the punch line before although I am not sure where, but I am certain the story is original and so is the Spoonerist title.
(Title : Tern -- Stoned Birds)
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Hart & Sole^^^
Bambi had grown into a fine stag but his problems just don't seem to end. This time the love of his life was shot during hunting season leaving Bambi broken-harted (groan). To quell his grief and loneliness, he bought an aquarium to rear some fish. He decided on the sole because of their unusual characteristics. As fingerlings, they look quite ordinary but slowly their eyes migrate to the same side of their head and they eventually become flatfish typical of their species.
It isn't unusual that Bambi should have this hobby. After all, Abstinence makes the Hart grow Flounder.
(Absence makes the Heart grow Fonder)
----------------------
Dedicated to Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace. The concept of Natural Selection acting on genetic drifts has been thoroughly verified via DNA analysis, observation, selective breeding, fossil record and much more. But as everyone knows, a mountain of evidence is totally useless against blind faith.
It isn't unusual that Bambi should have this hobby. After all, Abstinence makes the Hart grow Flounder.
(Absence makes the Heart grow Fonder)
----------------------
Dedicated to Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace. The concept of Natural Selection acting on genetic drifts has been thoroughly verified via DNA analysis, observation, selective breeding, fossil record and much more. But as everyone knows, a mountain of evidence is totally useless against blind faith.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Animal Quackers^^^
Alcatraz prison in the 20s housed many hard core criminals. Nevertheless, the Annual Animal Imitation Competition was always a big hit with the inmates. Defending champion Robert Stroud aka the Birdman of Alcatraz was the favorite with his bird calls. Al Capone came in well prepared with his pig grunts and many of the judges in his back pocket. To minimize rigging, the new voting system required each judge to vote by secret ballot for 2 candidates.
Not surprisingly (in hindsight) what happened was that each bias judge voted for his particular "sponsor" and for the worst participant, who the judge thought had no chance. So the totally unexpected happened. A small-time hood with his terrible cow impressions won the event!!
I guess It Happens -- One Sinner Blew Moo.
(It Happens Once in a Blue Moon)
--------------------
Why is it that when you kill one person, you are evil. When you kill a hundred (like Al Capone) you are sort of a cult hero and when you kill tens of thousand (Napoleon, Qin Shi Huang, Alexander the Great) you are, well ... great. This feghoot is dedicated to peace lovers who can see though the propaganda.
Not surprisingly (in hindsight) what happened was that each bias judge voted for his particular "sponsor" and for the worst participant, who the judge thought had no chance. So the totally unexpected happened. A small-time hood with his terrible cow impressions won the event!!
I guess It Happens -- One Sinner Blew Moo.
(It Happens Once in a Blue Moon)
--------------------
Why is it that when you kill one person, you are evil. When you kill a hundred (like Al Capone) you are sort of a cult hero and when you kill tens of thousand (Napoleon, Qin Shi Huang, Alexander the Great) you are, well ... great. This feghoot is dedicated to peace lovers who can see though the propaganda.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Water Water Everywhere^
With the melting of the icecaps, sea levels are rising and flooding the low lying areas. The most effective counter-measure is through land reclamation. A lot of money is needed to flatten mountains and hills in order to fill up the depressions and lowlands on the Earth.
It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ...
Money makes the World go Round.
----------------------------
Dedicated to the Scientists whose detailed measurements have left no doubt on the on-going impact of global warming and people like Al Gore and Leonardo Di Caprio and others who heighten our awareness. Pres. GW Bush and others will go down in history as key people who were in power in the right country, at the right time, with the right resources but did nothing.
It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ...
Money makes the World go Round.
----------------------------
Dedicated to the Scientists whose detailed measurements have left no doubt on the on-going impact of global warming and people like Al Gore and Leonardo Di Caprio and others who heighten our awareness. Pres. GW Bush and others will go down in history as key people who were in power in the right country, at the right time, with the right resources but did nothing.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Urning Many^^^
In places where the Keas, Toucans and Macaws inhabit, finding shards of pottery and glass on the ground is very common. Although these birds mainly feed on grains and nuts, they also supplement their diet with insects. They go after the bees and other bugs which often take cover in any niche they can find -- usually a small empty vessel. But these birds are not bird brains. Over time they have evolved a skill where they are able to use their strong beaks to lift these containers and shatter them on a hard surface. The unprotected insects then have no chance.
Next time, keep a lookout when you are in places where these birds reside. You will notice that The Parrots Often Carry Bee Urn.
(The Pirates of the Caribbean)
-----------------------
Dedicated to the plight of the endangered species in our shrinking natural world. Through poaching, habitat encroachment and climate change, humans are wiping out thousands of species.
Next time, keep a lookout when you are in places where these birds reside. You will notice that The Parrots Often Carry Bee Urn.
(The Pirates of the Caribbean)
-----------------------
Dedicated to the plight of the endangered species in our shrinking natural world. Through poaching, habitat encroachment and climate change, humans are wiping out thousands of species.
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