Stern -- Boned Turds^^^^

Far out at sea, everything was calm. The sun was setting and the sea birds were gracefully circling and diving for fish. A lone speedboat was heading towards an obscure beach. But something fishy was going on and it was definitely not the fish. On board were a gang of drug smugglers with their illicit hoard of cocaine and crack.


Suddenly 3 speedboats from the Coast Guard were spotted racing towards them. Panic ensued but the professional smugglers managed to throw the drugs overboard just in time. Without evidence, no arrests could be made, but the smugglers also lost millions by dumping their cargo.


The only "winners" seem to be the sea birds. They were now flying erratically and seem to prefer drinking sea water to catching fish!


No doubt about it. No Tern was Left Un-stoned.
                            (No Stone was Left Unturned)


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Dedicated to the wonders of world pay ... uh ... word play. For without Spoonerisms and Puns there could not be a Feghoot. Thank you Denis Norden and Frank Muir from the BBC Radio Show "My Word" for opening my ears to a whole new dimension of humor. If anyone knows how to contact these people or their family (FM is dead), let me know. I want to send them a note.


I was dormant for 40 years but am now catching up on tossed lime.


I have heard the punch line before although I am not sure where, but I am certain the story is original and so is the Spoonerist title.
(Title : Tern -- Stoned Birds)

Hart & Sole^^^

Bambi had grown into a fine stag but his problems just don't seem to end. This time the love of his life was shot during hunting season leaving Bambi broken-harted (groan). To quell his grief and loneliness, he bought an aquarium to rear some fish. He decided on the sole because of their unusual characteristics. As fingerlings, they look quite ordinary but slowly their eyes migrate to the same side of their head and they eventually become flatfish typical of their species.


It isn't unusual that Bambi should have this hobby. After all, Abstinence makes the Hart grow Flounder.
(Absence makes the Heart grow Fonder)


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Dedicated to Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace. The concept of Natural Selection acting on genetic drifts has been thoroughly verified via DNA analysis, observation, selective breeding, fossil record and much more. But as everyone knows, a mountain of evidence is totally useless against blind faith.