Cash a blank card^^

Rubber Bridge. High stakes. No Luck. Opponents just made slam. Pay up. Made another game.  Got to Pay. Oh no! They just bid grandslam. And made it! Pay it again. Slam.

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Dedicated to my love-hate relationship with duplicate bridge. Love it for the challenge, strategy and thrill. Hate it for the stress and the time it sucks away from my other interests. I swear I don't want to play it any more .... but I don't want to play it any less either (groan).

BTW, Bogie never said it in Casablanca (title of feghoot). but Woody Allen, my favourite comedian did make a movie of the same name.  

Allen: What are you doing Saturday night?

Woman: Committing suicide.

Allen: What about Friday night?

Blue Moo^^

Mad cow disease was spreading fast and the dairy farmers in Austria had to act fast. They buried the dead cows and quarantined all the groaning sick ones.

The ills are Alive with the Sound of Moo Sick.

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Dedicated to the researchers in their never ending fight against the microbes. Will there come a time when a deadly strain will be totally resistant to all our drugs? Scary!
(The hills are alive with the sound of music)

Fool's Gold^^^

Conquistador Francisco Pizarro with superior weapons ruthlessly massacred the Incas and looted tons of gold.  The hoard was so great, he could not take it all back in his ships and hid most of it.

Sam had found an ancient map during his research which led him deep into the Andes. At a remote village, he managed to buy a pony and made his final push to an obscure cave. He managed to cleared out some rubble from collapsed passages and there, lo and behold, was Pizarro's treasure!

He fully loaded his pony and started the trek back. Unknown to him, he was being stalked   by bandits. Suddenly they made their move. He tried to escape on the pony but it was already overloaded.

Needless to say, he and a Full Andes Pony are soon Martyred.

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2 dedications this time.

To the destroyed civilizations on every continent throughout history. Aside from the devastating massacre and genocide, the victors also forced their religion, values and culture. The most effective way  is to destroy the indigenous counterpart and force change by sword. So much  interesting, valuable and important knowledge has been wiped out.

Also dedicated to those of us who have lost their hard earned money by lending, investing or giving money to conmen.  Sweet talkers with get-rich schemes or sad stories are far more effective than the mugger in the street. 
I learned the hard way that A fool and his money are soon parted.

Cat Call^^

The tomcat loved the maid. Unlike previous caretakers, this one was a rare find as she genuinely cared for him. She always fed him on time, brushed his coat and scratched his cheeks.

Yup, he  became the Fan Tom of the Au Pair rare.

(The Phantom of the Opera)

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3 Dedications

To our maids -- they have to leave their husbands, children, family and friends to come to a strange foreign land so they can earn enough to give their loved ones a better life. (yes especially for you Lily)

To the Musical -- Thank you Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tim Rice, Frederick Loewe, Richard Rodgers, Oscar Hammerstein II and so many others for enriching our lives, A special mention to my Diocesan Boys' School literature teacher Mr, Jacobsen for advising me to always see beyond the main characters and songs.

To my childhood Burmese cats : King and Dylan 

Spirited Away^^^

"I dare you to stay in that haunted mansion at midnight" Timmy said to Sammy "Ten bucks says you can't"

"I'll do it" Sammy replied bravely

At midnight a trembling Sammy slowly made his way into the courtyard and waited. It was here 20 years ago that an 8 year old child had fallen off her bicycle. She had hit her head on the concrete floor and died.

Thirty slow minutes ticked away. Suddenly, an apparition materialized. It was a ghostly image of a child cycling! Sammy took out the camera with his jittery hands and clicked. Oh no! He had forgotten to charge the battery! The flash barely came on. The ghost quickly vanished and Sammy ran out.

Sadly, the photo was severely underexposed and nothing could be seen. It seems that the Spirit is Wheeling but the Flash is Weak.

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Dedicated to the ultimate power that controls our behavior and actions. Our Spirit may be willing and our Flesh may be weak but our Brains have the final say.

Oh Sheet^^

The microwave oven is one of the greatest inventions for the kitchen. Nowadays it is integrated with a conventional oven and a fan to distribute the heat evenly.

It came in extra handy last night when my dryer broke down while I was doing my bedsheets. Yup, dry in just 5 minutes when the Fan Heats the Sheet. 

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Dedicated to the Good Ol' Days. How many of us knew then that we were actually living through it? We worried about pimples, grades, scolding from parents, girlfriends/boyfriends and so many things that seem so trivial now.

(when the shit hits the fan)

Bee S(t)ing^^^

The Abbot made the decision. The vows of silence in the abbey had to be obeyed, No caroling will be allowed ... period.

One monk, who was a beekeeper prior to joining the brotherhood, had an amazing idea. He knew that the "buzz" of each bee was of a different pitch caused by the beat rate of its wings. He wrote to the abbot "If I could place groups of bees of the same pitch in tiny cages in a row, I may be able to get an octave of frequencies. By carefully agitating these cages in tempo, the bees will fly and their specific buzz will be picked up by microphones and a simple tune will be created."

The abbot gave his approval as animals were outside the scope of the vow of silence.

After weeks of hard work, the bees were ready. Opening night was a "resounding" success as a slow and simple version of "Silent Night" was buzzed out by the little stars!

Everybody agreed that nothing was more fun than a Carol of Monk Bees.

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Dedicated to my regular bee-ridge partners -- Trevor Li, Karol Crouse, Yu Chun Yee, Ron Savage, Shamim Moledina & CC Chen. No need to go as far as vows of silence. Just a smile and an occasional kind word goes a long way to make the game so much more enjoyable.

(more fun than a barrel of monkeys)

Doggone It^^

Dingos, the wild dogs of Australia, usually hunt in packs, and can even corner and kill a kangaroo. However, if a dingo is on its own, chasing a big prey is futile. It must lie flat and slowly creep up on a rabbit and pounce. End result? Slump Dog Meal on Hare

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Dedicated to Frisky my late Maltese terrier - asked for little, gave so much.
(Yes you can sometimes make a good movie for just $15 million - Slumdog Millionaire)

Burning Bush^^^^

"Hey guys" Bush said eagerly "Do I have time to start another war? Huh? Huh?"

All heads turned to the ceiling.

"Ok, ok, I get it ... how about some sanctions then ... Huh? Huh? ... our guy in Iraq ... what's his name? ah yes Maliki ... he just got no respect. We made him Prime Minister and the nerve of that guy telling us to set a date for withdrawal ... a complete moron ... when the oils runs out, buddy ... when the oil runs out... what an idiot ... yeh ... I want to bar all their exports ... except oil of course ... that will show him who's the boss"


"You should check with Obama before you do anything. Mr. President"


"What about Burma ... Huh? ... Huh? Everybody hates that country with those suppressive generals in charge. Locking up what's her name ...Sue Me ... uh ... Suu Kyi for so many years and killing those monks ... We can bar the export of their gemstones and whatever other crap they have over there."


"You should check with Obama before you do anything. Mr. President"


"Ok .. ok .. get him on the line ... he owes me a big one ... he knows damn well that the only reason he got elected was because of me ... yeh ... I know what all of you all are thinking ... but you're wrong ... God told me to create all this mess so that Obama will be elected ... it was God's plan all along and I followed it perfectly ... so there!"


"Obama on the line, sir"


"Hi Barry ... I need to check with you on this .... " and Bush explains his sanction plans.
"So Barry ..." he whispers "I'll look like a lame duck if I don't do something ... you owe me Barry ... please Barry ... please .... ok then, at least say your name ... why? ... no reason at all ... just say your name ...PLEASE JUST SAY YOUR NAME WILL YOU! ... thanks Barry ... bye bye"


"What did he say, sir?" a general asked.


With a smile, Bush replied "Bar Iraq or Burma"

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Dedicated to Barack Obama. A historic win must be followed by a historic change to the massive damage that has been done -- wars, economy, environment for starters.

(thanks Shaan for helping me on the rhyming of Barack to Iraq)

You Can't Beat This^^

Convicted vandal, Michael Fay stood before the court. "12 strokes of the cane" uttered the Singapore judge. This is not the kid stuff caning you get from your dad. This official punishment uses a half inch rattan rod, dipped in antiseptic and administered by one tough dude.

The time had come. Michael was strapped and bent over a wooden frame with his bare buttocks exposed. Adjacent parts of his body were padded to prevent accidental injury and a doctor was present. But this is small consolation.

Whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack
.... but the screams from the agony were much louder. Blood flowed down his legs from his torn skin and raw muscles.

Some of the headlines in the papers the next day ...
Hit Dozen; Pain Butt; Hit Raws.

-----------------------------------------------

Dedicated to all the mental and physical sufferers of torture -- Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, Nazi Concentration Camps, Spanish Inquisition and countless others throughout history.

What makes an ordinary Joe, when put in a position of power, become pure evil?
Based on scientific studies, the "enemy" is dehumanised and holds wrong and dangerous ideologies and values. Therefore the abuse is rationalised, self-justified and reinforced by the herd mentality of his fellow torturers. Besides, "I was only following orders".
(It doesn't rain but it pours)