"By pricking these needles into your ear lobes, face, limbs and body, the bad Qi (pronounced Chee) energy will flow out" the acupuncturist explained
"Yes, yes, yes ... I'm feeling better already" said Sonny
"I can feel your damaged heart getting stronger" he continued with his hands just above Sonny's chest "the negative Qi is coming out through your chest, through my fingers and out forever."
"Yes I feel the tingle ... it's wonderful"
He then placed a lit prayer candle on Sonny's chest, sprinkled holy water, spread a little sacred soil and tied a string around his chest. He then blew gently.
"Now the incoming Qi has been altered, strengthened and made good by the 4 elements -- fire, water, earth and wind -- and I have tied the string to keep the 4 altered Qi in your chest and heart. Keep the string tied tightly and come back next week. Do you feel the power?"
"Yes I do ... and the warmth ... and the energy ... I feel great"
Sonny happily paid the $500 as he walked out of the crowded clinic. It was a fantastic deal! A risky bypass operation would have cost him over ten grand, lots of pain and laid up for weeks. Now there was a spring to his walk because of the altered good four Qi energy flowing through his heart.
He entered his condo lobby and, casting a smile at the elevator, he headed for the stairs to scamper up the few flights to his apartment. He never made it. A massive fatal heart attack stopped him just short.
Not Four Alter Qi in Tie? Nah.
(Not for all the tea in China)
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Dedicated to P. T. Barnum. He must be laughing from his grave knowing that in spite of advances in science, a good understanding of the Placebo effect and widespread education, suckers are still being born -- not every minute -- but every second. "Alternative" medicine (title of feghoot) is a misnomer -- it is either "evidence based" or "non-evidence based". Put my health in the hands of quacks? Not for all the tea in China.
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