I Kneed You^^

Alma twisted her knee while skiing. Her husband, Zane, took her to the nearest clinic which was jam-packed with patients. After a long agonising wait, she finally got to see the doctor. As expected, he took a quick look, applied some lotion and wrapped the knee in a small sling --- all in 5 minutes!


Needless to say, it was a sloppy rush job and as soon as she entered the lobby of her hotel, the wrapping was loose. People watched as Zane carefully removed the bandage and very gently re-wrapped the knee. The feelings Zane had for Alma was there for all to see because


Love is Alma Knee's Tender Sling

(Love is a many splendoured thing)


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Dedicated to my dearest Almas  and to the emotion that causes the greatest happiness and pain -- love.

Ant that the Truth^^^

It is truly facinating to see an ant colony in action. Always busy digging wells and tunnels and hunting for food to feed the colony.


Unfortunately, one group of ants were tunnelling a new living quarters near an oil field. The ground beneath was somewhat weakened by the digging and the oil started to seep out through the holes. This drowned most of the colony. Basically what happened was that


Oil swell that Ant's Well.
(Alls well that Ends Well)
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Dedicated to the commodity that controls our lives and make nations invade and destroy others -- oil.

As easy as C C C^

"But you have everything!" his friend said


"I still think I am missing something!" the billionaire replied.


"Well you have condominiums, culture, cars, club memberships, children and tons of cash -- what else could you want?"


"Not sure, but I always thought there were seven Cs"
                                                                    (7 seas)


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Dedicated to Shawn, my ex-bridge partner and a sailor in the navy.

Bare Necessities^^

Did you hear about the beautiful magician's assistant who was found dead with just her brassiere on?


It was A Bra Cadaver.
(Abracadabra)
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Dedicated to CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) -- where an ounce of fact outweighs a mountain of eye witnesses.

Perfect Timing^^^^

Albert Einstein was a great physicist and peace activist but it has now come to light that he also believed in the occult pseudoscience of numerology.


While pouring over his space-time relativity equations in 1933, he decided to plug in his personal details ... and lo and behold ... a disturbing result turned up. He was going to die on 15th March 1935! He rechecked it a few times but there was no mistake.


The genius pondered over the greatest problem he had ever encountered and finally figured out that there was a small chance he could actually avoid the Ides of March and with it, the wrath of fate!


His plan was simple in concept but difficult in practice. He would hire a plane and take off from the western tip of Alaska just before midnight on 14th March. He would then fly across the Bering Straits towards the USSR. If he could time it exactly (remember there were no GPS those days), he would cross the International Date Line exactly at midnight and therefore go directly into March 16th!


The critical time finally arrived and guess what? Sad to disappoint all you action movies junkies, but everything went off exactly as planned! Yawn!


Well it had to be, you see, everybody knows that


"A Niche in Time Saves 'Stein"
(a stitch in time saves nine)


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2 Dedications:
To Albert Einstein for heralding in the new era of physics. Needless to say, he hardly believed in organised religion, let alone numerology.
To Isaac Asimov (who wrote a feghoot with this identical pun(ch) line) for countless hours of wonder.

Against the Odds^

"I tell you that there is no one in our senior class who weighs 60 kilos" insisted Al


"Well it says right here in the newsletter that that is the mean weight" countered Beth.


"Don't you see" explained Al "that the mean weight of men is about 70 kilos and the mean weight of women is about 50 kilos. By mixing all the data together, they came up with a meaningless figure of 60 kilos."


"Oh yes, I understand it now" Beth said " Now I know what they mean by the Flaw of Averages"


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Dedicated to Mathematics. Like many kids, I started with Pi and then to i, e and phi and feel the unique combination of beauty and truth. I am truly previledged.
I spent no time studying Math and I aced it but spent tons of time on French and barely scraped through. This must mean the more you study the worse your grades. Another example on how statistics can lie.