Mary had long beautiful curly locks but peer pressure dictated that it was fashionable to have totally straight hair. To have her hair ironed and pressed by professionals was pretty expensive but she found a compromise solution. She went to a hairdresser's school where girl trainees would do her hair for half the cost.
Big mistake! Her hair was badly burnt and she had to buy a wig to hide the damage. Needless to say, she was the laughing stock of all her so-called friends.
Something just snapped within her. She swore revenge and began a kidnapping spree against all the hairdressers at the school. Over a period of a year, one by one, she would knock them out with chloroform and then sell them off to pimps in the sex trade.
When she was finally caught, she was taken to the FBI headquarters and interrogated. She was asked where she got such a bizarre idea. "No big deal" she replied, "I see the signboards telling me what to do everywhere."
"And what signboard is that?" the Interrogator asked.
"Just like the one outside this building," she smiled
"Tress Pressers will be Prostituted"
(Trespasser will be Prosecuted)
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Dedicated to all the abused children -- perhaps externally wounded but all mentally scarred for life.
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Monday, June 27, 2005
Fruitility^
The durian seller is a master of the sleight of hand. No matter how carefully you watch him pack your fruits, he still manages to sneak in a rotten one.
In other words, there is "All Lice in one Durian".
(Alice in Wonderland)
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Dedicated to the King of Fruits -- the Durian and Lewis Carroll. So is it aroma de heaven or just eating custard in the toilet? Only the Cheshire Cat nose.
In other words, there is "All Lice in one Durian".
(Alice in Wonderland)
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Dedicated to the King of Fruits -- the Durian and Lewis Carroll. So is it aroma de heaven or just eating custard in the toilet? Only the Cheshire Cat nose.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Fly Away Peter, Fly Away Appall^^
Not sure where 8 year old Peter got his nasty streak, but he sure took out his meanness on his little sister and the animals around him.
Kicking and stoning cats and dogs was a daily affair. Others were really gross.
Just the other day, he put some butter on the garbage can and watched the flies gorge on it. When they could no longer fly, he then took a sewing needle and pierced the whole lot of them into a necklace. When he garlanded his sister, you should have heard her scream.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PETER!!" she yelled.
"Bloat like a Butter Fly. String like a Bead" he replied honestly
(float like a butterfly, sting like a bee)
----------------------
Dedicated to Mohammad Ali for a riveting performance both inside and outside the ring.
Kicking and stoning cats and dogs was a daily affair. Others were really gross.
Just the other day, he put some butter on the garbage can and watched the flies gorge on it. When they could no longer fly, he then took a sewing needle and pierced the whole lot of them into a necklace. When he garlanded his sister, you should have heard her scream.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PETER!!" she yelled.
"Bloat like a Butter Fly. String like a Bead" he replied honestly
(float like a butterfly, sting like a bee)
----------------------
Dedicated to Mohammad Ali for a riveting performance both inside and outside the ring.
The Bitch is Back^^^^
Susan was an only child and a rebel. Her aristocratic upbringing could not hold back her anti-social behavior and at the age of fifteen she promptly left her family to join the Hell's Angels, roaming the country on her stolen Harley.
One day a lawyer tracked her down. He told her that her father had passed away. In his will, he had left her his multi-million dollar inheritance on condition that she give up her wild ways and return to her duty as the last living heir of the family.
As this story is not a fairy tale, needless to say, she complied and lived happily ever after in wealth and luxury.
As there are not too many ways to spend your time when you don't need to work, she wrote a book on her exploits and her eventual return as heir to the estate. The name of the book?
"The Bitch Biker's Ride to the Legacy"
(Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
---------------------
Dedicated to the late Douglas Adams - a imaginative humour writer without equal. Thank you for your "trilogy" of 6 books and no thanks for the pathetic movie and all the fish.
One day a lawyer tracked her down. He told her that her father had passed away. In his will, he had left her his multi-million dollar inheritance on condition that she give up her wild ways and return to her duty as the last living heir of the family.
As this story is not a fairy tale, needless to say, she complied and lived happily ever after in wealth and luxury.
As there are not too many ways to spend your time when you don't need to work, she wrote a book on her exploits and her eventual return as heir to the estate. The name of the book?
"The Bitch Biker's Ride to the Legacy"
(Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
---------------------
Dedicated to the late Douglas Adams - a imaginative humour writer without equal. Thank you for your "trilogy" of 6 books and no thanks for the pathetic movie and all the fish.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Whale of a Wave^^
Who can forget that amazing scene from David Attenboriugh's Life on Earth where the orcas would glide to the shore at high tide to catch the hapless seals.
The most famous of all the orcas is, of course, Shamu, currently entertaining thousands at San Diego's Sea World. Undoubtedly tamed, but accidents can easily occur when dealing with a multi-ton beast.
Just the other day, a trainer was badly hurt when Shamu accidentally scraped his arm with its teeth. After being rescued, he angrily shouted, "I am going to sue everybody for this. The management, the company, the .... "
"Take it easy" his boss replied, "you signed an indemnity form when you took this job to exclude any work related injury.
"You cannot sue many as it was a tidal whale.
(ok, ok a little contrived -- "sue many" for Tsunami and "tidal whale" for tidal wave is definitely pushing it.)
--------------------
"I complained I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet." -- Sayings of the Buddha
Dedicated to the victims of the Great Sumatran Tsunami of 26 Dec 2004
The most famous of all the orcas is, of course, Shamu, currently entertaining thousands at San Diego's Sea World. Undoubtedly tamed, but accidents can easily occur when dealing with a multi-ton beast.
Just the other day, a trainer was badly hurt when Shamu accidentally scraped his arm with its teeth. After being rescued, he angrily shouted, "I am going to sue everybody for this. The management, the company, the .... "
"Take it easy" his boss replied, "you signed an indemnity form when you took this job to exclude any work related injury.
"You cannot sue many as it was a tidal whale.
(ok, ok a little contrived -- "sue many" for Tsunami and "tidal whale" for tidal wave is definitely pushing it.)
--------------------
"I complained I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet." -- Sayings of the Buddha
Dedicated to the victims of the Great Sumatran Tsunami of 26 Dec 2004
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