No Food For Thought^^^^

The natives were restless.

They weren't after some innocent white settlers like in the movies. 

They were restless because in spite of their non-stop prayers to god, there was still no sign of rain. The drought was taking a severe toll on the crops and their livelihood.

A small group of intellectual young natives finally realized that all this "god" stuff was just a delusion. The priest says if it rains, then "god" made it rain and answered our prayers. If it doesn't, then "god" is not pleased and we should donate To his temple. Clearly a flawed logic.

They needed money to buy food for their families and they now knew exactly who had been squeezing them all these years with a promise of heaven. They sneaked into the temple that night and poked out the solid gold eye of the god idol. As expected, while trying to leave, they were caught by the guards with their state-of-the-art security systems.

The culprits were publicly caned on their asses for their crime and for the disrespect of the religion. In short ...

Their butt for disgrace of gored gold eye.
(There, but for the grace of god, go I)
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2 dedications ...
1. Richard Dawkins and his insightful book "The God Delusion"
2. During my treks through the third world, I saw a lot of poverty, sickness, hard labor and suffering. Why are they being punished? Why are they born in an environment where they have no chance? Why are their babies dying of starvation? Seeing the total unfairness of it all,  one can't help but conclude that there is no supernatural meaning to life. 

"Thank you. I will eat today"

You're Fired^^^^

A golf fanatic died and faced god.

"You committed a lot of sins, including NOT believing in me" roared the lord "what do have to say in your defense?"

"But lord" the golfer pleaded "you made me imperfect and you knew I would commit these sins. How can you now punish me for your mistakes?"

"ENOUGH" said god "you're fired. Go and burn in hell for eternity you unbeliever."

"Oh mercy, oh lord, mercy for being an atheist. If only you could have shown me a clear sign."
  

"You telling me what to do? You think god was created in your image or I created you in my image? Why should I show you any mercy when I ordered the massacre of every man, woman and baby in Jericho. Except of course for the prostitute and her family as a reward for betraying her city?"

"But lord, when my diabetic father's leg was amputated, I prayed and prayed to you like the millions of amputees on Earth but not a single new leg appeared to anyone. So I lost faith. Mercy. Mercy"

"Don't say I am not merciful. For every 1,000 years in burning brimstone, you can play one day of golf in hell. Here are some photos of the golf course."

"But lord, unlike on Earth, the greens seem to have overgrown weeds almost knee high. How do I putt?"

"Well, this is not Earth is it? You should know that The Green is Grassier on the Other Side."

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Dedicated to Friedrich Nietzsche, Bertrand Russell, David Hume, Ayn Rand and other philosophers for providing a flickering candlelight in a dark world of irrationality, herd mentality and blind faith.


With dogma and religion off my back, I find no evidence for a supernatural meaning of life. I don't recall being conscious before I was born and I seriously doubt I will be  conscious after I am dead. No greener grass is available and I am a little too old for an imaginary friend.

Words in the Sand^^^^

Heracles (Hercules) was asking Zeus for more powers.


"You know how the system works in Xanadu, ... uh Olympus" said Zeus "you scratch my back and I scratch yours"


"Of course, my God"


"That slimy God of the Sea, Poseidon, is going to run for TOP God in the coming election. He's all wet, I tell you"


"Yeah, pathetic. Nowadays, even Gods don't know their place." nodded Herc


"That sewer-polluted not-so-low-life actually challenged me to a contest. Just imagine .. me! An election gimmick of course, but my spin doctors have advised me to take it up."


"Whatever I can do, Zuzu"


"Of course I can do it easily myself, but it is beneath my dignity to be seen with him."


"Of course, Big Zee"


"Tomorrow, on Olympus Beach, you have to write my name 1000 times in the sand before his tide comes in to wash it away. You have less than 6 hours."


"I wont let you down"


Well, Herc was there on time at high tide. Poseidon and a huge crowd had gathered, together with the judges -- Dryan, Upala and Nimos.


As the tide receded, Herc started writing furiously... Zeus, Zeus .... Being ambidextrous he foiled Poseidon's plan by writing with both his hands at the same time! It was a close finish but Herc did it.


The next moment, Zeus appeared to soak in the glory of the cheering crowd. "A chore well done, Heracles, worthy of an epic feat"


Herc replied in all modesty,
"Epic Chore is Worth a Thou Sand-words"
  (A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words)
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Dedicated to the wonderful world of fantasy, science fiction and fairy tales -- stories limited only by imagination. Too bad when children grow up they actually believe incredulous stories to be true! Only now, it is called religion.
(Yes, I am ambidextrous)